Saying it without words

Good manners are manifested not only in the way we speak but also in the way we move. Mind your mimics and your body language, don’t gestic­ulate too much. These are the general rules, but much depends on national traditions. Say, handshaking in Great Britain is not so widely used as in Europe. Older people in Britain usually shake hands when they meet for the first time, but young people don’t do this very often. In France, many people of all ages shake hands every time they see each other – they say the French spend 20 minutes a day shaking hands! In Britain, men often kiss women friends once or twice on the cheek and women sometimes kiss each other too, but men don’t usually kiss each other. However, men in the Arab world often hug and kiss each other on the cheek. Meanwhile, in Japan, people bow when they meet each other; neither men nor women kiss in public.

When Americans meet and speak, there is about a 2–4 feet distance between them. However, if you watch a Japanese speaking to an American you will see him moving towards the American, trying to shorten the distance between them, which makes the American move backwards. Video recordings of this phenomenon give an impression that both men are danc­ing around the conference room. It partly explains why, when negotiating business, Asians and Americans sometimes misunderstand each other, the Americans thinking of the Asians as “too familiar” and the Asians regarding the Americans as “too cold” and “too official”.

Americans like people who smile and agree with them, but Australians are more interested in people who disagree with them. So sometimes Americans think Australians are rude and unfriendly, and Australians think polite friendly Americans are boring! In Europe, it’s friendly to smile at strangers, but in many Asian countries it isn’t polite. And in Japan you must cover your mouth when you smile or laugh.

In Western cultures, young people and adults look each other in the eye during a conversation to show interest and trust, but in many Asian countries, it’s rude to look people in the eye, especially a superior such as a teacher. In Britain and the United States it isn’t polite to stare at strangers, but Indians often look long and thoughtfully at people they don’t know.

In Britain, it’s polite to respond during conversations and to make comments to show that you’re interested. But in parts of Northern Europe and in Japan, it’s quite common for people to stay silent when someone is talking to them. In China, Japan, and Korea, young people don’t usually start conversations with adults and only speak if an adult speaks to them. In contrast, Americans encourage young people to start conversations.