Bringing Up Children

It is generally accepted that the experiences of the child in his first years largely determine his character and later personality. “Upbringing” is normally used to refer to the treatment and training of the child within the home. This is closely related to the treatment and training of the child in school, which is usually distinguished by the term “education”. In a society such as ours both parents and teachers are responsible for the opportunities provided for the development of the child so that upbringing and education are interdependent. The ideas and practices of child rearing vary from culture to culture.

All parents have to solve the problems of freedom and discipline. The younger the child, the more readily the mother gives in to his demand to avoid disappointing him. She knows that if his energies are not given an outlet, her child’s continuing development may be warped. An example of this is the young child’s need to play with mud and sand and water. A child must be allowed to enjoy all this “messy” but tactile stage of discovery before he is ready to go on to the less physical pleasures of toys and books. Similarly, throughout life, each stage depends on satisfactory completion of the one before. Where one stage of child development has been left out, or not sufficiently experienced, the child may have to go back and capture the experience of it.

The beginnings of discipline are in the nursery. Even the youngest baby is taught by gradual stages to wait for food, to sleep and wake at regular intervals and so on. If the child feels the world around him is a warm and friendly one, he slowly accepts its rhythm and accustoms himself to conforming to its demands.

Every parent watches eagerly the child’s acquisition of each new skill – the first spoken words, the first independent steps, or the beginning of reading and writing. It is often tempting to hurry the child beyond his natural learning rate, but this can set up dangerous feelings of failure. This might happen at any stage. A baby might be forced to use a toilet too early; a young child might be encouraged to learn to read before he knows the meaning of the words he reads. On the other hand, though, if a child is left alone too much, or without any learning opportunities, he loses his natural curiosity and his desire to find out new things.

Learning together is a fruitful source of relationship between children and parents. By playing together, parents learn more about their children and children learn more from their parents. Toys and games which both parents and children can share are an important means of achieving this co-operation.

Parents vary greatly in their degree of strictness or indulgence towards their children. Some may be especially strict in money matters; others are severe over times of coming home at night, punctuality for meals or personal cleanliness.

As regards the development of moral standards in the growing child, consistency is very important. To forbid a thing one day and excuse it the next is no foundation for morality. Also, parents should realize that “example is better than precept”. If they are hypocritical and do not practise what they preach, their children may grow confused and emotionally insecure when they grow old enough to think for themselves.