Choosing your groomsmen and ushers

A groomsman is first someone who is important to the groom, and whom the groom wants to be a visible part of his wedding. He may be a close friend, brother, cousin or father. These days, he may even be a she; more men are asking female friends to be part of their attendants (although they are usually called honor attendants, rather than groomsmen, and can wear a dress rather than a tux).

But a groomsman does more than stand around and looks pretty. He also serves as advisor to the groom beforehand, helps the groom be organized, aids with any wedding planning details he can, and helps seat guests at the wedding.

While a groom will want to have his best buddies and the men in his life that means the most to him, he should also make sure that he has a group that is responsible enough to handle their duties, or at least one person willing to pick up the slack for the others.

A groomsman:

· supports the groom, advises him, listens to any pre-wedding nervousness;

· assists the groom in picking out what the groomsmen are going to wear;

· either gets measured at the formalwear shop or promptly sends his measurements to them, and offers to pick up and return the suits;

· goes to all pre-wedding events, including engagement parties, any coed showers, bachelor party, and rehearsal dinner;

· helps to plan and pay for the bachelor party;

· with the bridesmaids, helps decorate the getaway car;

· gives a wedding present, and often an engagement present;

· helps the groom relax and get dressed on the day of the wedding;

· unless the groom has separate ushers and groomsmen, shows guests to their seats at the ceremony;

· the best man frequently holds the ring during the ceremony;

· dances with bridesmaids and single female guests at the wedding;

· helps carry away gifts and personal items after the wedding.

There is a considerable expense involved in being a groomsman, including cost of apparel, travel, and hotel room for the ceremony, hosting a bachelor party, as well as the gifts. A groomsman should have these expenses in mind when he accepts the honor and be up front with the groom about what he is and isn't able to afford. Once he has agreed to be a groomsman, however, he shouldn't complain about the cost. Possible ways a groomsman can save money include:

· asking to wear a suit he already owns;

· renting his tux;

· staying with friends rather than in a hotel room;

· throwing a casual bachelor party (perhaps a barbeque at a local park?);

· and asking other groomsmen to band together to give a joint present.

A groom may choose to have separate groomsmen and ushers. This generally is only when a groom feels he has too many friends for them to all stand at the front of the church, or if the bride only has a few attendants. In this case, the ushers' duties are largely the same as the groomsmen. They may not attend as many of the events, and may not be dressed as formally.

Bachelor party

A stag Party in Munich

A bachelor party (the United States, South Africa), also known as a stag party or stag night (the UK, Ireland, Canada and New Zealand), bull's party (South Africa) or buck's party, or buck's night (Australia) is a party held for a bachelor shortly before he enters marriage, to make the most of his final opportunity to engage in activities a new wife might not approve of, or merely to spend time bonding with his male friends (often in his wedding party afterwards).

The history of bachelor party is thought to have originated with a bachelor dinner that was traditional in ancient Sparta (5th century BC) where soldiers would toast each other on the eve of a friend's wedding.

A bachelor party may involve activities beyond the usual party and social gathering ingredients (often drinking alcohol and gambling), such as going to a strip club, hiring a female stripper or escort, and in some traditions more hazing-like tests and pranks at the future groom's expense, which shows the whole thing is also a rite of passage from bachelorhood (associated with an adolescent lifestyle, often in the common past of most participants, e.g. in their student years) to "more responsible" marital life.

The task of organizing a bachelor party is often traditionally assigned to a male sibling of the bachelor or to the best man. Otherwise, any (close and/or reputedly party-minded) male friend will organize it. The planned activities of a bachelor party are traditionally kept secret from the groom.

Bachelor parties have also been the subject of many movies, especially comedies.

Bachelorette

Bachelorette (American English) is an informal term for an unmarried woman. It is derived from the word bachelor, and is often used by journalists, editors of popular magazines, and some individuals. "Bachelorette" was famously the term used to refer to female contestants on the old Dating Game TV show.

In Canada, the term bachelorette also refers to a small bachelor apartment. The term bachelor apartment, used in Canada and South Africa, refers to an apartment with only one large room serving as a bedroom and living room plus a separate bathroom.