History of the family

Scientists believe that family life began among prehistoric people more than 300,000 years ago. It may have developed because of the infant's need of care and the mother's ability to nurse the child.

The earliest prehistoric people probably lived in groups made up of several families. They moved from place to place, hunting animals and gathering wild plants for food. Everyone worked for the survival of the group by searching for food. Some researchers think that the hunting of large game eventually led to a division of labor between men and women. Such hunting required the hunters to be away from the camp for hours or days. The women probably found such hunting difficult during pregnancy and, after giving birth, stayed near home to nurse their young. They probably gathered plants and hunted near the camp.

The division of labor between men and women may have helped the men gain power within the family. In many cultures, the women raised crops, and the men turned from hunting to the herding of goats, sheep, and other animals. A family's wealth depended on its herd because the animals provided a steady source of food and could also be traded for other goods. The father controlled the family's herd and thus its wealth. This control gave the father economic power within his family, and he came to be considered the head of the family. A family in which the father has the most power is called a patriarchal family.

The family in Western culture developed from the traditions of the patriarchal societies. The father remained the most powerful figure in the family. The nuclear family was common throughout history. But some households included other distant relatives, servants, or an apprentice, who lived with the family and learned the father's trade.

Until the Industrial Revolution began in the 1700's, most of the people of Europe lived in rural villages or small towns. Families produced their own food and made most of their clothing, furniture, and tools. Most manufactured goods were produced under the domestic system, also called cottage industry. Under this system, an entire family worked together in the home to make clothing, textiles, or other products for market.

As Western nations became increasingly industrialized, many rural people moved to the cities to seek factory work. Family life in the city differed from that in rural areas because people had to leave home each day to work. Commonly, the mother and children also held a job to help support the family. Family members had little time together, and the home became less central to family life. Hospitals, schools, and other social institutions took over many family functions.

TEXT MARRIAGE

Marriage is a social institution in special forms of mutual dependence, often for the purpose of founding and maintaining families.

Marriage is the relationship between a man and a woman who have made a legal agreement to live together. When a man and a woman marry, they become husband and wife. Marriage is also an important religious ceremony in many of the world's religions.

Most couples decide to marry because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Each also expects the other to help with many problems and to share certain responsibilities. These responsibilities include earning a living, budgeting money, paying bills, preparing meals, and taking care of a home. Most couples who marry plan to have children and to raise them together. However, many people choose never to marry. Some people who remain single may not find a mate with whom they want to share their life. Others may not want responsibilities required of a successful marriage. Still others prefer to stay unmarried because they enjoy their independence.

Before people marry, they date (or go out with) members of the opposite sex. A man and a woman who date each other spend a lot of time together learning to know the other person. After they have dated over a period of time, they may fall in love with each other and decide to become engaged, in many cases, the man proposes to the woman and gives an engagement ring as a token of their agreement to marry. Betrothal, engagement or formal agreement to marry, may take the form of a verbal promise or a written contract between two individuals. The betrothal is an ancient custom dating from biblical times when marriages were arranged by one's parents or guardians. The use of a ring as an engagement token comes from the ancient custom of using a ring to seal an important agreement. Some couples may decide to live in a civil marriage for a certain period of time before they get married.

A man and a woman must follow certain laws when they marry. The United States and Canada have basically the same marriage laws. In all except four states, both the man and woman must be at least 18 years old to marry without parental consent. Most states allow people to marry as young as 16 with parental consent. In some states, a person under age 16 needs a judge's permission to marry.

According to law, both the man and the woman must freely consent to marry. If a person is forced or tricked into marrying against his or her will, a judge will annul the wedding. State laws prohibit incest, which is the marriage or sexual relations between certain close relatives. Laws also forbid a person to marry if he or she is married to someone else. A person who marries a second time while a first marriage is still in effect commits the crime of bigamy.

Some states permit a couple to marry even if the bride or groom cannot be present at the wedding ceremony. However, another person must serve as a proxy (substitute) for the absent bride or groom. This type of marriage is called marriage by proxy.

In nearly all states, a couple must have a marriage license to marry. Some states require both the man and the woman to have a blood test before they can obtain a marriage license. This test shows whether or not a person has a sexually transmitted disease.

Most states require a waiting period between the day a couple apply for a license and the day they marry. This period which averages from three to five days, gives both people time to make sure they want to marry. The waiting period developed from a Roman Catholic custom that required a couple to announce their engagement publicly on each of the three Sundaysbefore the wedding day. During the time before the first announcement and the wedding, anyone who believed that the couple should not marry was expected to say so. Today, some couples announce their engagement at church services or through church bulletins. Such announcements are called banns.

Most wedding ceremonies involve two requirements. First, the man and woman must say that they want to become husband and wife. Second, the ceremony must have witnesses (bridesmaid and best-man) and the official who marries the couple. If the couple has a religious ceremony, it is conducted by a member of the clergy. If a couple is married in a civil ceremony, a judge or some other authorized official performs it. When the ceremony is over the newly-weds get their marriage certificate.

Many couples prefer a traditional religious ceremony, which begins with the bridesmaid and ushers walking slowly down the aisle to the altar. The groom enters and waits for the bride at the altar. The bride then walks down the aisle with her father. At the altar, the bride and groom exchange marriage vows and accept each other as husband and wife.

Many wedding customs have been popular since ancient times. For example, Roman brides probably wore veils more than 2,000 years ago. Bridal veils became popular in Great Britain and the New World during the late 1700's. The custom of giving a wedding ring probably dates back to the ancient Egyptians. The roundness of the ring probably represents eternity, and the presentation of wedding rings symbolizes that the man and woman are united forever. Wearing the wedding ring on the ring finger of the lefthand is another old custom. People once thought that a vein or nerve ran directly from this finger to the heart.

After many weddings, the guests throw rice at the bride and groom as a wish for children and good fortune. Rice was once a symbol of fertility, happiness, and long life. The bride may toss her bouquet to the unmarried female guests. The woman who catches the flowers will supposedly be the next to marry. After the wedding the newly-weds go for a honeymoon.

In most countries, one man marries one woman, and they stay married unless one of them dies or they are divorced. This system of marriage is called monogamy. Some societies permit polygamy, in which a man has more than one wife, or a woman has more than one husband. The marriage of one man to more than one woman is called polygyny and is practiced by many African and Middle Eastern peoples. Some societies practice polyandry, the marriage of a woman to more than one man.

In certain cultures, marriage involves a gift from the family of the bride or groom to the other's family. In many societies, for example, the bride's family gives money or property to the groom or his family in order to marry off their daughter. Such a gift is called a dowry. In other cultures, the groom and his family present gifts to the family of the bride. This offering is called a bride price.

TEXT CHILDREN

Law

The legal relationships of parent and child established under common law have been modified by statute in Britain and the USA. In general, such statutes provide that a married woman is a joint guardian of her children with her husband, with equal powers, rights, and duties. Either parent has the right to custody of the children of the marriage, or in a divorce or separation the court can award custody to the parent best qualified and able to care for the children. Parents must provide for their children such necessities of life as food, clothing, shelter, education, and medical care; if they cannot or will not, state laws authorize intervention by designated authorities to ensure that children's needs are met. Children who are physically or emotionally abused by their parents may be the subject of legal action in order to protect the children. Parents' rights to custody of their children may be limited or, in extreme cases, terminated because of failure to provide adequate care. Laws require a father to support his minor children if he is able to do so, whether or not he has ever been married to their mother. Failure to provide support may result in civil or criminal proceedings against him. If paternity has been admitted or established, laws permit children to inherit from their father's estate unless specifically excluded in his will.

Parents' mistakes

We had nothing to start with except our talent for self-sacrifice, our compulsion to set up housekeeping and live for the future of our children. So the children rushed in to fill the vacuum, and with our full cooperation and blessing they began to dictate the terms of our existence. It became impossible for an adult to make a move without taking the children into account, without considering them first. If he took out the car, they had to go along. If he wanted to read a book or make love, they stomped and stampeded through the house and demanded their rights to his undivided attention. They arranged the schedule of meals and determined the hours when they would go to bed at night and their parents would get up in the morning. Educated and intelligent women gave up their lives for them, playing with them, cleaning up after them, worrying over whether they were getting the right food, the right vitamins, enough love and attention – and all because there was nothing else. We had created a huge corporate enterprise of promiscuous baby-making, and other functions of life had to be set aside to keep it going. Also, it was an expensive enterprise, in both money and emotional energy. It seemed that everybody one knew was struggling, scarcely getting by, on their salaries, fretting over new shoes for the three-year-old and the pediatrician's bills. There was no money and no time for adventure, excitement, or diversion. The children were our diversion, and what they diverted us from was the cold fact of our failure to conceive of life on any other terms or to ask for ourselves any larger rewards or richer experiences than those provided by parenthood.

It is not surprising that the offspring of this way oflife, the beneficiaries of all this love and attention and self-sacrifice, should have grown up contemptuous of us or convinced that really we were dead all along and only they are alive. How could people be anything but dead or stupid or insane who had so little regard for their own needs, who asked so little forthemselves? If we gave up our lives for them, it was only reasonable for them to suppose either that we did not value our lives or that they themselves must be terribly important to have provoked us to such fantastic generosity.

So we taught them by our example and by our obsequious treatment of them to have no consideration or respect for adults and a grotesquely inflated respect for themselves.